One of the reasons I’m taking a break from social media is to figure out how to fit the things that are of a high priority to me into my daily routines and then try to implement them into becoming healthy habits.
Like scripture reading. I did the Prophets challenge to read the Book of Mormon from cover to cover from October to the end of December. It was difficult even though I’ve read it that quickly before. But then as soon as I had completed the challenge, I wasn’t reading my scriptures as often again.
I just remembered that I bought a prayer journal for myself at Christmas time. It was only about $6 on amazon. I started using it this week and it has been incredibly helpful!
There’s a spot to write a daily scripture verse on each days entry. So what I’ve been doing is reading my scriptures each morning for any length of time I have. Then I go back through what I read and pick out a verse that I feel stands out. I write that one down. Then it has spots to wrtite what you’re thankful for, what you want to work on, and what prayer requests you have. I use the prayer request portion to think about what I would like to pray about that morning; to focus my thoughts. I feel like this process is creating a more “active participation” in my mind. I’m not just saying the same prayers every day. I’m taking the time to think about what is really going on, what I am truly thankful for each day, and what I honestly need to work on or need help with.
Like I said, I just started using it this week but I already love it!
The kids are slowly recovering from the flu that went through the house. Just 2 kids left feeling sick. I’m hoping it will be gone by the weekend and that it won’t make any other rounds through anyone else!
I did have a funny conversation with Vaiden last night. I went in to check on the boys and Vaiden had just gotten into bed when he asked – “How do you do so much all the time?”
The question surprised me and so I responded with – “What do you mean?”
Vaiden – “Well, you take care of 9 kids every day and then when I was doing homework on your laptop, you have like 10 tabs open but they’re all for work.”
Me – “Oh, well I just try to get things done whenever I have the time.”
Vaiden – “huh…”
I was surprised he noticed. I have tabs open on my computer for ceu requirements for my midwifery certification, my email, some research for something I’m writing, and a tab for a few supplies to have on hand I want to order for the birth of our baby in the next few months. So not all of it work related… but most of it!
By the way, it’s completely blowing my mind that there’s only about 11ish weeks until I could meet my baby. Even sooner if he decides to be born early like Tahlia. Thankfully I don’t think I’d go too far past my due date but now that I’ve written it, it will probably happen. Because luck.
How do you keep the Sabbath day holy? This is different for everyone and each individual and family will have to choose what will be best for them. For me personally, I’ve struggled with this one. Especially with having 10 kids. I’ve limited the types of movies and tv shows that they can watch on Sundays, cut out activities that they can do any other day of the week but probably shouldn’t do on Sundays… like homework. But I’ve felt like this isn’t enough.
“The word Sabbath comes from a Hebrew word that means rest, and the word holy means something that is sacred or dedicated to God. The Sabbath is a holy day, a day that’s supposed to be different from the other days of the week. On this sacred day, you should rest from your normal daily routine and dedicate your thoughts and time to God.”
So how do I do this with 9 kids ages 14-4?!
Well…. here’s some ideas. I read through them all and like a few of them. What I’ve basically decided is that it all is going to come down to being more organized. Which is actually pretty difficult for me. It’s just something I have to really try and focus on.
With this pregnancy, my “nesting” has been to really minimize what comes into the house and to declutter what is here. I’ve gotten rid of big items and lots of little items already and it feels like I’ve barely made a dent. I’ve decided that the only way to feel like I’m not living in clutter is to figure out a way to make this home of 11 (12 when this baby is born and 13 when Jordan gets back) is to organize it and make it a home of minimalism. Which again, is going to take some organizational skills… and maybe not sick kids to actually be able to get stuff done!
I feel like the next thing that needs to be done is to go through all of the clothes in the house which is daunting just by itself!
Anyways, back to the Sabbath day… some things that are going to take organization is going to be getting items that will be only Sunday items, like puzzles that we can work on together and maybe a few small puzzles for the younger kids. But then they get put away until the following Sunday. Printing pages to color and activities to do that are Sunday only. Basically, being on top of things to make Sunday feel more special that doesn’t involve just sitting on the couch vegging out on movies that “aren’t bad”.
I mentioned the minimalism thing because this is something I’ve been thinking about but it involves bringing in a few more items to the house. This feels… icky to me while there’s so much stuff already crammed into drawers and on shelves. The clutter drives me nuts. So I need to get this house under control before I feel like I can implement these other things successfully.
It won’t do you or your family much good if you do something one Sunday, then don’t do it the next. Children are quick to sense hypocrisy. If you want your Sabbath day activities to succeed, you must do them every week, or else they will become meaningless.”
THIS. This is what I don’t want. I want to create a home where everyone can work together. Where things don’t feel so crazy. Where the kids can expect certain things to happen… and they do. Where good things become routine.
This seems too hard but I know it isn’t. I know it can be done.
This is my goal before this baby is born. To organize this house and family in order to make our Sabbath days truly holy. Not just lazy, or boring, or alright. But holy and family centered. Without the clutter.
My go-to when I’m feeling overwhelmed or stressed is to listen to uplifting music. I have a Lauren Daigle station on Pandora that I’ve spent a year tailoring and it has some really great music! All of it is uplifting and helps to point my heart and mind to Christ when I’m feeling overwhelmed.
But lately, music is not enough. In fact, sometimes lately it’s downright distracting. My mind can’t focus on it. It just becomes noise. More noise than I already have in a house with 9 kids! (Yes, we have 10 but Jordan is on his mission).
The fix? Audio books. Or conference talks. I know that probably doesn’t make a lot of sense. It’s still noise. Still information that my mind has to process. But it gives me something to focus on. Something to learn. Something that’s not background noise. I feel like my mind and heart – while still pointed to Christ because of my audiobook choices – are able to progress instead of stay stagnant.
I think that’s what it comes down to. I’ve felt stuck. Spiritually stuck.
As soon as we got back from vacation, all of the kids got strep. Then a week or two later, we now have the flu going through the house. I have thievsed and even clorox’d the house several times. I’m now limiting sugar intake for the whole family now that Valentines Day is over. I don’t know what the deal is, but this winter has been rough! Thankfully I skipped the strep and haven’t gotten the flu…. yet.
So far 4 of the kids have gotten the flu and now the tiniest one is down for the count. I am thankful that they all seem to be taking turns rather than all being sick at the same time. But I’m also exhausted! Getting about 5-6 hours of sleep at night, broken up, because of sick kids is not very easy at nearly 28 weeks pregnant!
But like I said – it could be worse.
Because of all the sickness, we haven’t had family prayer as often as we should, haven’t read scriptures as a family as often as we should, haven’t done as much of the Come Follow Me as we should.
I feel like I’m failing at this motherhood thing lately. I feel spiritually stuck. And I feel guilty for not teaching my children the gospel as much as I should.
So music doesn’t work. I was feeling down about it all and decided to do some cleaning and decluttering and spent nearly a whole day doing that while I finished the Christ in Every Hour book by Anthony Sweat.
It was amazing! I highly recommend it. It helped me to shift my perspective and to remember that this is something I have to work through. And that the kids will not be sick forever. That routines can be re-established and it’s okay to just do our best for now, even if our best just means keeping kids alive and getting 5 hours of sleep.
I’m now starting Angels: Agents of Light, Love, and Power by Donald W. Parry.
I just started it so I can’t say anything yet but I feel like it’s one I should listen to, so it’s up next!
Things might not get easier, per se. But I’ll get better at handling them… and kids can’t be sick forever.
Every once in a while, I can feel myself falling into old habits. Watching shows that aren’t bad… but aren’t good. Reading books that aren’t bad… but aren’t good.
Have you ever heard the phrase “We are what we repeatedly do” or Philippians 4:8 –
8Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things arepure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.
Basically, what we put into our minds become.. who we become!
So every once in a while, when I feel like that might be happening, I take a break from all those things. Social media, books that aren’t my scriptures or other uplifting materials. I go back to my deseret book audio books, conference talks, etc.
This might seem silly to some people, maybe even extreme. But it helps to refocus me. To make sure that my mind is where I want it to be. This isn’t someone else telling me what I should or shouldn’t be doing or that I should be taking social media breaks, etc. (except maybe some nudges from the Spirit) but it’s my choice. It’s something I need. Something I think we all probably need from time to time.
So in the last few days, I’ve listened to a talk by Jack R. Christianson called, “Every Day Power from the Book of Mormon – Fortifying Your Foudation of Faith”. It’s on the deseret book audio app.
It’s 1 hour long and is phenomenal! You can hear his passion for his faith in his voice. He talks about the challenge to read the Book of Mormon within 90 days that the Prophet extended to the women, which is over now but that’s okay! He talks about many other things too and everyone should listen to it!
The next one I started listening to is “Christ in Every Hour” by Anthony Sweat.
I’m about half way through it and it is also really moving. It talks about Christs healing power, the power of forgiveness and repentance. And that’s just the half I’ve listened to so far!
I’ve also been able to organize the house more and I completed 6 ceu credits to go towards getting my midwifery certification back as well. The distraction of the world is real! Even in my patriarchal blessing, it states that I will have to be diligent in screening out the things in media, be careful about places I go, etc. That Satan will have no power over me that I do not allow him to have.
Man! I wish I could remember this always! This is why they tell you to read these blessings often! There’s things in there that not only help you with your life, but keep your priorities straight as well.
So here we are. I’m cocooning myself in spiritual things plus goals that I need to accomplish until I feel like I can balance things more effectively.
Thankfully, this journal is one of those things that I feel needs to be more of a priority. Not because I think anyone actually reads it… but because it’s helpful for me to process and get my priorities out of my head somewhere. And this is that place.
I gave a talk at Stake Conference last Sunday and I have had a few people ask me for a copy of my talk. So I figured I would just type it out here to make it easy.
I also did a video of it here, if that’s easier for you too.
Here is the script-
2 Nephi 32:3
Angels speak by the power of the Holy Ghost; wherefore, they speak the words of Christ. Wherefore, I said unto you, feast upon the words of Christ; for behold, the words of Christ will tell you all things what ye should do.
Good morning brothers and sisters. My name is Tarrin Pendergrass. I am a daughter of my parents who aren’t even in this stake but came anyways. I am a daughter of our Heavenly Parents. I just turned 33. I am a wife and a mother of 10. And I know theres gotta be a few of you out there who’s thinking… wait a minute… 33 and 10? My husband had 7 and I had 3. When we got married in January, I became a mother of 10. It has been a little crazy, a little overwhelming, and incredibly good! But… I’m getting a little ahead of myself.
The topic I was given to speak on was Feasting upon the Words of Christ, but not only that, 2 Nephi 32:3 – Angels speak by the power of the Holy Ghost; wherefore, they speak the words of Christ. Wherefore, I said unto you, feast upon the words of Christ; for behold, the words of Christ will tell you all things what ye should do.
I’m here to tell you that these words are so so true! And now I can go back and tell you a little bit about myself. I grew up LDS. Recently, I’ve had a few people ask me, basically, what made you go inactive? Because I recently came back to church from being inactive for about 16 years.
It wasn’t any one big thing. Any one defining moment. It was tiny little decisions that led me away, baby step by baby step.
I stopped going to church around the age of 16. That means I stayed inactive for about 16 years. During that time, I went to college, I got married, I became a midwife, I had 3 babies of my own. Then, my ex husband and I decided to take a big risk and moved to Taiwan.
Now, I’m just one of those people who like to believe the best in everyone and every situation, but Taiwan was hard. Even though it was really interesting to be immersed in that culture, it was so isolating. So what do you do when you feel completely isolated? Personal Development. I started reading every positive book I could find on how to be better, feel better, and become better. And then it was like these light bulbs started going off in my mind. I saw my life as it really was for probably the first time in at least… 16 years. I saw my previous marriage – and I know marriage isn’t easy – but there was a lot there and my marriage was clearly starting to fall apart. It was during this time that I called my dad and just said – I don’t know what to do. What should I do?
He told me every marriage is hard but maybe my ex husband would consider going to church. Any church. For that connection to Christ changes lives. Serving others changes lives. Well, I knew that wouldn’t be happening, but what my dad said next was probably the biggest light bulb that I ever had go off.
He said – Faith isn’t something you have, it’s something you choose and learn.
My first thought was “oh – I’ve been teaching myself not to have faith all of these years!
That struck me so hard. It was exactly what God knew I needed to hear to open that door.
So, I secretly downloaded the Book of Mormon onto my phone. Secretly because I did talk to my ex husband about that I might want to go back to church (I had actually wanted to about 5 years before but he had basically just said no then) what he said this time was that it would be “divorce worthy”. So I secretly started reading the Book of Mormon.
I knew that I had to at least find out how I felt about it. I had to know if what was in these pages was true. So I read it cover to cover in about 2 months.
I was about 3/4 done reading it and I already knew that it was true – when we decided to move back to the United States. We knew our marriage definitely wouldn’t last if we didn’t do something. We decided to move to Utah instead of going back to Oregon where we had lived before. I finished reading the Book of Mormon and things were just not getting any better. I kept getting this feeling that I should ask my dad for a blessing and at first I was like “nooooo” because then he would know and there would be no going back!
But every time I even spoke to my dad or texted him, there’d be this voice “ask ask ask”. You know that really uncomfortable feeling you get when you know you should get up and bare your testimony and you’re just looking around to see if anyone is going to get up and walk up there first and the Spirit is like – get up before I make you crawl out of your skin? That’s the feeling I had every time I spoke to my dad… for like a week. So I finally texted him and asked for a blessing which he came right over to give me.
About a week or so later, I told my ex husband that I wanted a divorce.
Now, there’s a lot in our marriage I’m leaving out because it doesn’t matter. And 5 years ago when I had told him I wanted to go back to church and he had said no – I wasn’t ready to choose church and God over my marriage. But after reading the Book of Mormon, really reading it because I had to know if it was true or not, and receiving a clear resounding yes – this book is true and it is from God. I couldn’t make any other choice.
So that Sunday after I told him I wanted a divorce, I got my 3 girls dressed up and we went to church. Their first time ever and my first time in 16 years. This first church visit was almost 11 months ago. Since that first time I read the Book of Mormon one year ago, I’ve read it cover to cover 2 more times. Each time I learn more and more. I find what seems like brand new scriptures all the time. I find verses that speak to me and help me with my day to day life – daily!
This last year, I’ve read the Book of Mormon 3 times, I’ve gone through a divorce, been a single mom, met my current husband – which I’ve never prayed so much about a relationship in all my life. We met and 6 weeks later were married. But I know without a doubt that he is exactly the person I was supposed to marry and that his kids were meant to be mine as well. I never envisioned myself as a mother of 10 but then again I never envisioned most of the things that my Heavenly Father has brought into my life in the last year.
And it is only by God’s love, grace, and infinite understanding and orchestrating that I am standing in front of you today.
My testimony of this gospel and of the Book of Mormon are way stronger than they ever would have been if I didn’t first understand what it felt like to be without it all. And I’m not saying that’s the way to go – but for me personally – who happens to be a moderately stubborn person… I think God knew that I would need to see and feel the difference.
This gospel is light. Those light bulbs that went off in my mind were well timed and well placed by a Heavenly Father who loves me intensely and unconditionally.
Whether you’ve been in the church your whole lives, or taken a break and come back, or if you are new in the gospel – we all have to be converts. Because at some point in our lives, we all have to read the Book of Mormon with one intent. To really know and feel and testify of the truth of it. And when we’ve done that and gotten our own personal conviction and revelation that this book is true then we can really begin to live this gospel. It all starts here. I implore you to read this book and pray your hearts out to feel the truth it contains. To feel your Heavenly Father testify to you personally the truth because this is the only way that your faith will hold firm. And, my friends, we need strong testimonies in this gospel. We need people who will stand up and testify of the truth in these pages. It took me a long hard road to learn this and I will never let this truth go because I have gotten confirmation from my God without any doubts whatsoever.
In Alma 53:10 it says – And now behold, I have somewhat to say concerning the people of Ammon, who, in the beginning, were Lamanites; but by Ammon and his brethren, or rather by the power and word of God, they had been converted unto the Lord; and they had been brought down into the land of Zarahemla, and had ever since been protected by the Nephites.
The word of God has incredible power and we are blessed to have an entire book full of words of God. Now I want to tell you a few reasons why I love this book so much. Some people believe it’s simply a history. A history of peoples long gone. But it’s not.
This book was written for us! It’s full of advice, prophecy, hope, love, secrets for those willing to look for them, and power.
These prophets saw our latter days and knew by the grace of God what we would need to read. Can you imagine these prophets being shown our day and age? Living in their time and seeing ours? I want to read you this scripture – just for fun – it’s in 2nd Nephi Chapter 12 – the synopsis reads , Isaiah sees the latter-day temple, gathering of Israel, and millennial judgment and peace—The proud and wicked will be brought low at the Second Coming—Compare Isaiah 2. About 559–545 B.C. Then it goes on to say in verse 7 – Their land also is full of silver and gold, neither is there any end of their treasures; their land is also full of horses, neither is there any end of their chariots.
The prophet Isaiah is describing the latter days. He saw them. He was shown us! Sooo… do we have chariots? I mean, I’m sure there’s a few out there – but do we have “neither is there any end of their chariots?” “a land full”… of chariots? No! Cars on the other hand… how else would an ancient prophet of God be able to describe the things he saw? He’d use the vocabulary he has. Remember when I said there are secrets in scriptures for those willing to look for them?
Line upon line does not mean sit back and wait to be taught. It means read it over and over and over again.
Each time you do, pray. Pray for your minds to be opened. Your eyes, your ears, and your heart to be opened. Prayer is a dialogue. It’s not meant to be a monologue. Talk and then pause, listen and respond to what you feel or hear, and I guarantee you will learn deeper and deeper truths each and every time you read this book.
Besides finding hidden messages of cars in the Book of Mormon, how else can we apply this book written in ancient times to our modern lives?
It’s actually really easy to find ways to do this when we really know that it was written for us. Let’s go back to 2nd Nephi 32:3 – Angels speak by the power of the Holy Ghost; wherefore, they speak the words of Christ. Wherefore, I said unto you, feast upon the words of Christ; for behold, the words of Christ will tell you all things what ye should do.
Stephen R. Covey spoke in 1974 saying – prayerful scripture study is also the key to personal revelation. Nephi taught that the Holy Ghost speaks “the words of Christ” and that if we would “feast” on the words of Christ we will be told all things that we should do. In other words, the Holy Ghost will give us guidance. Whether we accept that guidance depends on our faith and obedience to the light already given. (line upon line – remember?) and this part is really cool. He says, The verb “feast” is most instructive, it implies savoring, believing, loving, pondering, meditating, relishing, all of which bespeak a spirit of faith and obedience.
When we regularly feast on the words of Christ (prayerfully study the scriptures) they become planted in the fleshy tables of the heart.
2nd Corinthians 3:3 says – Forasmuch as ye are manifestly declared to be the epistle of Christ ministered by us, written not with ink, but with the Spirit of the living God; not in tables of stone, but in fleshy tables of the heart.
And then the Holy Ghost will bring them to our remembrance of consciousness, as each occasion demands – perhaps somewhat like a computer would draw on its data bank to solve a problem.
We are not asked to memorize the scriptures. We all can’t be scriptorians. I’m definitely not! We are asked to feast. To love, to relish the words. And then the Spirit will bring to our minds what we need when we need them.
One of my favorite bits of advice for reading the scriptures and applying them to our lives is to insert your name. Visualize you being there, being a part of the stories. Visualization is uniquely human and powerful. Putting yourself into the shoes of Nephi, Alma, Jared, King Benjamin, and any other person in this book can give you new perspective, renewed faith, and confidence for your life. Try it!
In 2011, Elder Neill L. Anderson said: In todays world, the arrogant arguments of Korihor – the anti-Christ, find listening ears:
“Why do ye look for a Christ? For no man can know of anything which is to come.”
“Behold, these things which ye call prophecies… are foolish traditions of your fathers.”
“Ye cannot know of things which ye do not see…”
“Every man prospers according to his own genius, and conquers according to his own strength.”
These are things we hear today. These are things I let myself believe when I left the church. The adversary doesn’t need new tricks when the old ones still work so well.
He goes on to say – We need our own secure and settled faith in the Lord Jesus Christ, and we need help in strengthening our families so that this faith flows into the hearts of our children and grandchildren. Faith in Jesus Christ, when solidly anchored in our souls, brings true conversion, and in its wake – repentance, honest discipleship, miracles, spiritual gifts, and enduring righteousness. This is an important part of the divine mission of the Book of Mormon.
One of my favorite gardening tips I’ve gotten – also from my dad – was “when you think you’ve watered it enough, water it some more.” I think this little tip can be applied in so many areas of our lives.
When you think you’ve prayed enough, pray some more. When you think you’ve learned all of the answers, ask more questions. When you think you’ve read the Book of Mormon long enough or enough times, read more, read it again.
Just like plants in the garden need more water, our spirits need everything we can give them. And if we can do this, I know for a fact that we can grow, progress, and get the personal revelation that our prophet is urging us to seek. And the Book of Mormon is how we begin.
I say these things in the name of my Savior, Jesus Christ, Amen.
You hear the phrase ‘Christ heals’ all the time, right? Do we really know what that means? Usually, when we think about healing we think of big miracles. Healing the sick, making the blind see, etc. Am I right? I could be wrong. But that used to be how I viewed this idea. The only way I saw this.
I was wrong. I think I’m a little closer into understanding now though, Christ heals all things.
I don’t really know why I’m writing about this – other than I feel like I should. Maybe it will help someone else understand too.
If you’re not LDS, bare with me. I think there’s still some good stuff here.
Anyways – I was inactive from the church for nearly 16 years. During that time I started drinking coffee. I liked coffee. I liked the taste, the ritual of drinking it every morning. It became a comfortable habit to have. But I was addicted. No question about it.
When I decided to come back to church, I gave up coffee. It was my choice and it was one I wanted to make. I believe the Word of Wisdom is there to help us, make us healthy, make us strong, and develop other healthy habits. It was not an easy habit to break.
I would drive by a coffee shop and a thought would enter my mind such as “one coffee wouldn’t hurt anything”. But you know what, it would. Because if I wanted to be able to go to the temple, then even one would hurt.
You see – those thoughts – those are thoughts of addict. The adversary will and does use anything he can against us. Even little things. Especially “little” things. Because those little things are small concessions. Each small concession gets you one step further and further away from where you really want to be. Those little things end up being a really big thing later.
Now let me tell you something simply miraculous. As soon as I had that temple recommend in my hand. Those thoughts vanished. The idea of wanting coffee – gone. The thought of drinking coffee actually kinda grosses me out now. I don’t want it.
CHRIST HEALS ALL THINGS
Ether 12:27 And if men come unto me I will show unto them their weakness. I give unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them.
I never thought that I would live out a scripture passage. But weak things definitely can be made strong. I fully believe that I will never again have the adversary use coffee against me. That addiction is gone.
I never would have ever called myself an addict either. I mean, it’s not like drugs or alcohol…. right? Wrong. There are so many possible addictions in this life. Thankfully, Christ can heal them all. Even the little things.
I was weeding outside this morning and the weeds reminded me of a comment on Instagram yesterday.
As I was scrolling Instagram, LDSLiving posted a photo that said “Why is Modesty Important?” Out of curiosity, I scrolled through reading the comments. I love hearing what other people have to say and just see people’s personal reasons behind their decisions or beliefs. I’m just curious like that.
So I was reading comments and came across one that shocked me just a little bit. This person commented that “no one wants to see those butt and boob cracks and those other things” I was like… seems a little passionate but okay… and then she continued “I think it’s bad enough that they tattooed them self why would you want to show your temple like that”. There was a few other things said as well but these were the main comments that caught my attention.
At first I just scrolled by thinking, wow – that was a little judgmental.
And then I went back. I’m pretty good at letting things go and ignoring people but I really wanted to comment on it so I said –
“I have tattoos. We all make mistakes in life, some of our mistakes are just more visible than others. I choose to dress modestly because if Christ walked in my door, I would want to be wearing something I would not feel ashamed in. I’m not ashamed of my tattoos, my past, or my mistakes for they are what brought me to this gospel. I would however, feel ashamed to be dressed in a way that was not temple worthy or would make my grandmother cringe. 😉 ”
Her response was “so true, I have made some mistakes but repented and same here.”
So why did weeding the garden remind me of this interaction?
Because weeds can be incredibly amazing. They bloom and flower. Many have medicinal power. They grow in locations and conditions that can be incredibly challenging. And yet, they are judged because a lot of people deem them to be pests, useless, or just not what they want.
My friends, it is not our place to judge others. Many of the most spiritually courageous people have and will come from backgrounds that might be deemed less than. Please, do not squash someones confidence or willingness to learn because they are or look different than you.
It is only our place to love.
Matthew 7:1 Judge not, that ye be not judged.
John 15:12 This is my commandment, That ye love one another, as I have loved you.
Wherefore, the Lord God gave unto man that he should act for himself. Wherefore, man could not act for himself save it should be that he was enticed by the one or the other.
—2 Nephi 2:16
Lately I’ve been getting some really strong feelings that I need to completely change my focus on a few things in my life. They seem like big things. I decided to talk to my dad about it on Sunday and his reply was basically – well you needed those things in the past. They allowed you to get to where you are today. You don’t need them anymore, not really.
Mind blown. It hadn’t really occurred to me that I really didn’t need all of the things that I work on all the time. Yes, I know I’m being vague. I’m gonna be for now. It has nothing to do with marriage or family. Those are really good!
The specifics aren’t really the point anyways. The point is learning to let go and let God. Sometimes this is really really easy. Sometimes it’s not so much. Why do we – and by we I totally mean me – get so caught up in these patterns, habits, lifestyles, goals, visions of what we perceived our future to be. I’m over here thinking that I need to be doing specific things for my future when in reality, I’m sure my Heavenly Father is there trying to say “Tarrin – com’mon, I have something so much better planned for you!”
But oh my WORD is it completely terrifying sometimes! My mortal mind just can’t let go of some of these ideas even though I know I should and I completely trust my God sooo… why do I wait?! Procrastinate?! Dip our toes?! lol it’s pretty silly when you really look at it like that.
2nd Nephi 10: 23 and 24 says –
23 Therefore, cheer up your hearts, and remember that ye are free to act for yourselves—to choose the way of everlasting death or the way of eternal life.
24 Wherefore, my beloved brethren, reconcile yourselves to the will of God, and not to the will of the devil and the flesh; and remember, after ye are reconciled unto God, that it is only in and through the grace of God that ye are saved.
These scriptures remind us that we have free will. We have our agency to choose. When we get these promptings of the Spirit – we still get to choose.
But then these scriptures are pretty intense, aren’t they? I mean, it basically all comes down to an ultimatum. Did you choose God’s way, or not?
But then verse 24. Verse 24 tells us to reconcile ourselves to the will of God. When the scriptures use the word reconcile, they are usually referring to the Atonement. When we are reconciled unto God – we have chosen the Atonement. We have chosen repentance, love, and submitting our will to God’s. That word holds a lot of meaning and a lot of power. This also means that God knows that we will make mistakes. He knows we will need to reconcile ourselves to Him over and over again throughout our lives.
Isn’t God so good?
So even though these choices might be big. I know they will be good because God always has plans better than mine.
When I knew that I wanted to come back to church, I worried that I would be judged because I have tattoos. There are LDS people that have tattoos, especially nowadays. But I still worried because I have noticeable ones. Ones that I can’t hide unless I wear long sleeves all the time and shoes that cover the top of my feet. I worried, until I found the Tattooed Mormon’s blog. Her name is Al Carraway. When I found her blog, my thought was – “If she is this popular with mormons, I can walk into one church.” My point in telling you this is that she has also posted that everyone should bear their testimony every fast Sunday – even if it’s just to yourself. Ever since I read that, I’ve thought it’s a great idea. Because our testimonies should be growing and changing and evolving all the time.
So here’s my first one –
I know without a doubt that this Gospel is true. When talking to my mom last week, one of the things she said was “exciting things started happening the moment you committed your life to the Lord”. Boy, was she ever right. I was thinking about my life since I made the decision to come back to church. I knew I wanted to before I made the real commitment but that commitment has seemed to open a door to the Devine that I really had never thought possible. There is no doubt in my mind that God is real, Christ is real and risen, and the adversary is very real.
I have had numerous experiences in the last year that has proven this to me time and time again. One of those was when I had the flu, I was stuck in the bathroom (tmi, I know) for hours in the middle of the night. I felt awful and I was so tired. I finally said a prayer telling my Heavenly Father just that. That I was tired and I just wanted to go to bed and sleep. I immediately felt this real physical calm wash over me from head to toe and my whole body calmed down. I felt fine. I stopped and paused and thought “maybe I should just sit here for a while and make sure” and then my next thought was “nope, I’m going to go lay down while I feel this good and if I have to get up again, I have to get up again” but I didn’t. I slept the rest of the night and felt just fine by morning.
God’s grace is real. God’s grace is amazing. And a lot of times, most times, it’s not a big flashy thing. It’s as simple as – now I feel well enough to leave the bathroom and finally sleep.
We all have this grace in our lives. I see it in mine all the time. It’s when we get too busy, too distracted, too caught up in the world that we don’t see it for what it is. Because most of the time, it is these small things. People tell me all the time how overwhelmed I must be with 10 kids. And I do get overwhelmed. I get stressed. I feel really busy most of the time. But it is only by God’s grace that I really don’t feel overwhelmed most of the time. I know I’m right where I’m supposed to be. I know that I can find joy in the busyness that comes with having 10 kids. I know that I can teach my kids to find that joy in their lives no matter what – because of God’s grace.
I love this Gospel. I love my God and my Savior. I love what this Gospel has brought into my life. I know that my life has been guided by God since the moment I was born and I am (maybe slowly) learning to let God have the reigns completely. My job in this life is to be still. To listen. And then to act upon what I know and feel to be true and to let God decide and lead me where He wants me to be.
I say these things with all the love in my heart, in the name of Jesus Christ – amen.